Case of the Pregnant Lady

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE
OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"




Technorati Tag: Pregnant+lady

anal glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

'What's the matter?' he asks.

'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.

'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'

'I can't see my ass coming into work today.



Technorati Tags:
anal anal+glaucoma glaucoma

"Big Bang" - Master List-1 (Click Here For Current Copy of the List)

Please go HERE for the "Big Bang" Master list.

And the "Stats" are Mounting

This week I have surpassed a couple of statistical milestones. First, my "Blog Reactions" have soared past the 2,000 number.
And, I have entered the hallowed ground of Technorati's top 5,000.
Now, I am well aware that this stat (Technorati Authority) is based on a 180 day concept and that links fall off and this could change; however, if I want to continue playing this game, and as long as it remains fun and I do not take it too seriously, I just have to stay ahead of the curve.

Now that I have patted myself on the back and done the "Gratitude Dance", I must get back to the semi-serious job of blogging, seriously.....well sort of.





Technorati Tags:
Top+5,000 TEchnorati+top+5,000

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?




Technorati Tag: Ever+Wonder?

"Big Bang" - World Record

Let’s face it; one of the main goals of joining a meme is to increase links. So, let’s call a spade a spade and see how “Big” of a “Bang” we can get. The goal is to exceed 1,000 sites. Can it be done? With your help we will leave all the other memes in our dust! Just follow the instructions. No thought necessary.

*Start Copy Here*

You do not have to be tagged to play along. This game is simple and so are the rules.

1. Copy from *Start Copy Here* through *End Copy Here*
2. Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post at each site you add.
3. Tag or don’t tag, your choice, however, the more tags you create the bigger the list will grow.
4. Let me know your blog’s name and url by leaving me a comment HERE. I will add you to the master list. (If you would like the scroll box code, leave me your email address and I will email it to you.)
5. Come back and copy the master list back to your site, often. This process will allow late-comers to get as much link benefit as the first ones in.

1-Attitude, the Ultimate Power 2-Juliana's Site 3-Rusin Roundup 4-Grow Rich Along With Me 5-Comedy Plus 6-lynda's loft 7-Amel's Realm 8-MAX 9-Speedcat Hollydale 10-Mariuca 11-Complain Complain Complain 12-Mariuca's Perfume Gallery 13-Life Is A Roller Coaster 14-Sugar Queen's Dream 15-First Time Dad 16-Life 17-My Life 18-The Painted Veil 19-My Thoughts 20-DatCurious.com 21-Little Aussie Cynic 22-A Nice Place in the Sun 23-DatMoney.com 24-

*End Copy Here*

My Tags for this meme:

A Modern Goddess

Army Mom Times Three

BoldInvestors

Cool, Calm and Collected

DUTCHCORNER

My Life Is Murphy's Law

Nick's Bytes

Nonsense, fun, tears, happiness & anger all rolled into one!

Parenting 101

The Alien Next Door

WIXY's Gone Bananas

Daily Adventures

i beati

Ramblings of Maggie

Words of a Broken Mirror

My Scratch Pad

Sarge Charile

Technorati Tags:
Big+Bang+World+Record Big+Bang World+Record

Only In America

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers,large
fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America .....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America .....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America .. ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Technorati Tag: Only+in+America

China Beaches

On a personal note, this summer my wife and I are going on vacation to China. This will include Shanghi, Xian, Bejing and cruise on the Yangtse River. My plan is to turn my blog into a "Travel Blog" for 2 weeks; publishing pictures and much more, when I can get to Internet access. Anyway, with that in mind, I thought you might get a kick out of these pictures.

WOW - and we thought the beaches in the US were crowded.

When you need to relax and get away from it all in China....you go to the beach!!

HELP! ... WHERE IS THE BATHROOM ?????

Technorati Tags:
China China+Beaches

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, Did I wake you????

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember where you saw this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.







Technorati Tags:
Over+50 Perks+of+being+over+50

Naked Fireman Calendar

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You just had to look, didn't you..............




Technorati Tag: Naked+Fireman+Calendar

WALKING THE DOG

A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story... Have a great day and remember...

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

Technorati Tag: Walking+the+Dog

Are You Prepared For Success? (Section III - Installment #6 "The Past Is Gone!” – Male & Female versions)

(If this is your first time on this site, you may want to begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

If you are a regular reader of my Empowerment Process please read the Section II version of this poem first; then read this version.

The Past Is Gone!

I feel no regrets for opportunities lost;
I will not dwell on wasted time.
Of this I am sure, and I openly state,
"It is now that I am in my prime."


What's gone is gone, what's left is left.
These facts I cannot rearrange.
I'll let go of the past, and grab hold of what's left.
Now is the time for the change.

What remains is the future. What remains is now,
And it will all play out like a dream.
It will be an ocean of desires fulfilled,
Not a sea of "what might have been."

I won't beat myself up over moments gone by.
These moments I'll never retrieve.
I look forward with hope and courage and know
It's in myself that I will believe.

(An Original Poem by Mel Kaye)

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem.

• Go back to your list of "lost opportunities" in "Section (II)".
• List what you gain by letting go of them and moving on.

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

Go to Section III - Installment #7

Technorati Code: The+Past+is+Gone

You Cheer Me Up Award

It is nice to know that my blog cheers people up. I have been awarded this "You Cheer Me Up" award by three of my closest blog buddies: Sandee, Amelia and Michelle. Thank you so much.

I will share this at a later date.

Cell Phone Karma

This has got to be the most satisfying commercial I have ever seen.

Band Meme Participants

I found this over at Mimi Writes...... and decided to also publish it. If you want to copy/paste this on your site the scroll box should come along with it. I can't wait to visit all these site and see how their albums came out.

The Band Meme

Band memers: Bud - The Band Meme WTIT Style, Linda at Are We There Yet?, Sandee at Comedy Plus , Mimi Lenox at Mimi Writes, Bands That Rock - EDog's Everything Page Bond's Big Leather Couch , Crazy Working Mom , Coffee2Go , Hammer , Julie's Jewels and Junque , Lyn's Last Minute Life , Speedcat Hollydale Page, Knit For Joy , Gill's Jottings, Lee at Tarheel Ramblings, Jamie from Duward Discusssions, Maggie Moo Talks2U, My View Of It, Colin at Life, Work of the Poet, Mauigirl's Meanderings, Lori from Hahn At Home, The Painted Veil, Dixie's Heart and Soul, Anndi's Luggage, Monday Morning Power, Peanut, Peanut Butter Jelly2! , Asara's Mental Meanderings, Mr. Lance Solitary Views, Diary of a Heretic, Kids, Cats, & Books - Nola Dawn, Observations From the Back 40, Late Bloomer Boomer , My Dogs Keep Me Sane - Misty Dawn, Random Autumness, Foxxfyrre's Honk 'n Hollr, Screw Perfection, Olga, The Traveling Bra, Trav's Thoughts, Andrena Getting a Grip on Grace, Blog-Blond, Lowdown From Lois

Dog Logic

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate.
-Anonymous

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

The Band Meme

I was tagged by many for this meme, but the final tag by Mimi of MIMI WRITES......... convinced me to play along. Let's face it, I do not want to end up in her dungeon, however, that could be fun, but I digress.

The Band Meme

Here's how it goes. You are about to have your own band's CD cover. Follow these directions to the letter. I am not tagging anyone on this, but try it. It is really easy and fun.

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it’s more amusing that way.

My results!

One Last "Happy New Year" Post

2007 Has sped by

Now, we need to face 2008

There may be risks involved

We may need to face roadblocks

So stay alert

Share time with friends

Jump over obstacles

With care

And caution

Face challenges

Remember to laugh

Cooperate

Discover

Make new friends

Above all...be ready for adventure

Stick together

And you will be able to go far

Very far....

Well, not quite that far....

Always take time to smell the flowers

Don't forget to relax and enjoy

And never forget to love those dearest to you

Happy New Year ! !