You had better stay home

When you walk out the door in the morning and see this, in the sky....

Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there. It probably isn't going to be a good day.


Thank you WIXY

Voted Best Commercial in Europe

Why We Love Kids...

1) NUDITY - I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS - On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP - A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY - A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1 - While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2 - It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.'It sure is,' I replied.Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY - While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP - A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.''And why not, darling?''You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH - While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL - A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE - A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.'What have you got there, dear?'With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.





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Are You Prepared For Success? (Section III - Installment #12 "Risks” – Male & Female versions)

(If this is your first time on this site, you may want to begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

If you are a regular reader of my Empowerment Process please read the Section II version of this poem first; then read this version.

Risks

I know when I laugh I risk appearing the fool.
I know when I weep I risk appearing un-cool.
I risk getting involved when, to another I reach out.
When expressing myself there's the risk of self-doubt.

I risk their loss, when my ideas, I state;
When pursuing my dreams, I risk the same fate.
To hope…there is always the risk of despair,
But to try is to see that there's success out there.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,
But without risk I can't change, I can't live, I can't learn.
Not to risk I may avoid any suffering, but I know
To risk is to live and to feel and to grow.

The greatest hazard in life, and the risk that I see,
Is to risk nothing then nothing is me.
Without risk I can't love I can't live, I can't be.
I will take the risks so that I can truly be free.

(An Original Poem by Mel Kaye)

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem. • What risks will you now take? • When you take these risks, what is it that you truly risk?

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

Go to Section III, Installment #13

Technorati Tag: risk

Memorial Day

This quote was left as a comment by my friend Sarge Charlie.

On this Memorial Day remember my friends who died for your freedom. Dear Lord, lest I continue in my complacent ways, help me to remember that someone died for me today. And if there be war, help me to remember to ask and to answer “am I worth dying for?”~

Eleanor Roosevelt

A Very Special Award

Max bestowed upon me this special award since she thought that my blog "is awesome and whenever you feel tired, stressed or down just visit it and you'll immediately feel good." I am truly honored by such kind words and this wonderful award.


The Rules:

1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.

I would like to pass on this award to 5 excellent bloggers:

1- Comedy Plus : Sandee is truly one of the funniest people in the blogesphere. Her stories are priceless and she is very much worth knowing.

2- The Painted Veil : Shinade has, I believe, the most visually pleasing site on the net. She is a true friend and a fantastic place to visit.

3- Speedcat Hollydale : Speedy is certifiably out of his mind and he doesn't care who knows it. His site is a must-visit, however, when you visit him you may never think of chicken the same way again.....be forewarned.

4- Mimi Writes... : Mimi, the "Queen of Memes" has the most creative and deeply moving projects of anyone on the web......second only to me of course (LOL.)

5- Nick's Bytes : Nick is worth knowing. He is a very gentle man that you do not want to cross. He is funny and very sensitive. Ask him about Alex, the cat that owns him. But, be ready for a very long and heart warming response.

I thank the five of you for simply being there. When I get the chance to visit I always come away with a smile.

Look After Your Wife

I thought at first this guy was lazy... but he came through in the end. Here's to good ol' American ingenuity especially applied to our wives and/or girlfriends




Mel



LOOK AFTER YOUR WIFE...



A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

Cheryl from next door saw us and was so upset that she came over and yelled at me...."You lazy prick! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your arse and give her a break!"

I thought "Shit! ... Women!" Took another swig from my stubby, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my sunnies, stared directly at this nosey cow and told her in no uncertain terms "Sod off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening".

After a few days I felt really bad , so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn. Yes guys , after all we should take good care of our wives ... that way maybe they will take good care of us.

I have attached a picture below. I hope it comes through OK [see below]






















I'M TOO BLOODY SOFT WITH HER, SHE WILL WANT GEARS ON IT NEXT.

Are You Prepared For Success? (Section III - Installment #11 "Potential” – Male & Female versions)

(If this is your first time on this site, you may want to begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

If you are a regular reader of my Empowerment Process please read the Section II version of this poem first; then read this version.

Potential

To achieve my potential,
I know that I can;
I will make everything
A part of my plan.

I'll eliminate the negative,
That's in my life.
I'll reduce the worry,
And get rid of the strife.

My energy is focused.
My goal is in sight.
I'm ready to win.
I'm prepare for the fight.

I won't be distracted.
I'll keep moving ahead.
And I will dare to go
Where no one has tread.

(An Original Poem by Mel Kaye)

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem.

• How will you eliminate the negativity in your life.
  

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

Go to Section III, Installment #12

He said, She said.........

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.


2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up ones self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.


3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with ones partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.


4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.


5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.


6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.


7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.


8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *



AND...

He said ... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said .. You wear pants, don't you?


He said ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on thesofa and fart!


He said .... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said ...... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said .. They don't have time


He said .. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. We don't know; it has never happened.


He said .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said .. They already have boyfriends.


She said ... What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said .. A widow.


He said ... . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


Technorati Tags: he said she said

A Florida Biker and His Babe

This is what happens when your kids take away your driver's license......

I'm still around

I haven't posted in a while but I am still here. It's just that my day-job has taken over my life. For now, I will continue to post, however, less frequently, and I will keep the "Big Bang" and "AreYouGrateful.Com" and ComplainComplainComplain.Com" absolutely current with everyone who who wants to take part.

Old Goat Bumper Stickers

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Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

1.) Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

2.) Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3.) Buy a Tivo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4.) When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to________ today.'

5.) Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6.) Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did last year.

7.) Always pray and make time to exercise.

8.) Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of Six.

9.) Dream more while you are awake.

10.) Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.

11.) Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12.) Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13.) Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14.) Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15.) Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class ….but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16.) Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17.) Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18.) Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19.) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20.) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does

21.) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22.) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

23.) Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24.) Ladies - Go on and burn those 'special' scented candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good china and wear our fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Everyday is special.

25.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26.) Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27.) Forgive everyone for everything.

28.) What other people think of you is none of your business.

29.) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!

30.) However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

31.) Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.

32.) Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

33.) Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. God provides remember?!

34.) The best is yet to come.

35.) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

36.) Do the right thing!

37.) Call your family often.

38.) Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: 'I am thankful for __________.' Today I accomplished _________.

39.) Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

40.) Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH. LIFE'S A GIFT ... UNWRAP IT!

Thank you Sandy for emailing this to me.



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Who Says Religion Can't Be Funny?

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