Happiness Refined

I believe that this post is one of the most important that I have ever written, so therefore I have brought it up to my front page again. This was done because of a challenge that was put out by Alex Shalman.com called the happiness Project. He asks five questions:

1. How do you define happiness?
2. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?
3. What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness? (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)
4. What things take away from your happiness? What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?
5. What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?

My answers are:

1. A feeling of well-being and joy.
2. Now - 9 Child - 3
3. See below
4. See below
5. See below
   

For those of you have previously read my blog “Attitude, the Ultimate Power,’ aka “Monday Morning Power,” know that I have spent a lot of time discussing happiness and I have some very definite opinions on the subject. I am continuously trying to refine my thoughts and this is my latest attempt. I assure you, it won't be my last.

When discussing “happiness” most people speak of it in the following terms: “Striving to be Happy,” “Searching for Happiness,” I’ll be Happy when…,” and so on. To me, these statements conjure up a journey (a quest) with happiness as the reward for a successful journey’s end; in other words a successful result to the quest. If happiness is one of the rewards for successfully completing the journey then that journey, will more times than not, end in disaster. After all, not every quest is successful; with success being measured by achieving the goals that were set. The journey, or the “striving for,” is far closer related to one of the basic tenant of human nature, which is “not being satisfied,” than it is to “happiness.”

The basic fuel of Human Nature is "not to be satisfied." Human nature is to seek pleasure, to fulfill desires, to accomplish, to better our world, to never quit, to persevere, to constantly strive for "more." whatever the aspects of human nature that we strive for, we will never be satisfied. Insatiability and the resulting drive to be satisfied are at the heart of human nature. You can never have enough intimacy, food, love, accomplishment, money, success, etc. The problem that we run into is that many of us tie happiness to Human Nature”; feeling that we would be happy "if." For such a small word, so much can hang on it. "If" is considered a condition. As an example; polls show that people in general state that they would be happy "if" they had 50% more salary. Then, after that goal was reached and they were polled again, they would be happy with 50% more again. No matter how much we have, we want "more."

On the surface, not being satisfied seems to be selfish; a negative connotation. However, not being satisfied, which fuels the “striving” in human nature is actually a good thing, a very good thing. If it wasn’t for our basic dissatisfaction with what we have, the constant desire to have “more”, where would we be today? Without the desire for “more” there would never have been any inventions, discoveries, cures, art, etc. Again, where we usually go wrong is when we tie this concept of “more” to happiness.

Happiness must never be tied to human nature or else we are destined to be unhappy. We must learn to never qualify happiness. I am an absolute firm believer that happiness is a decision and that we can choose to be happy. I absolutely believe that anyone, anywhere, in any economic condition, in any health condition, with few exceptions, can choose to be happy. Why should the billionaire be any happier than the pauper? In fact, I bet there are, in relative terms, more happy paupers than happy billionaires. Sometimes it just gets down to “I’m happy to be alive.”

Now, to get back to the differences and ties between “happiness” and “human nature;” I have tried to sum this up in an original quote, “Human nature is what drives us; happiness is what sustains us.” Think of two perpendicular lines, one vertical (pointing up) and the other horizontal (pointing sideways.) The one pointing up represents human nature, a constant up-hill battle to achieve. The one pointing sideways represents happiness. We have the ability to maximize happiness no matter where we are on the vertical line, by the simple process of choice. What makes choosing happiness simple are two important concepts; “Gratitude,” and “Living in the Moment.”

By simply being grateful for what we have, no matter how much or how little, the choice to be happy comes so much easier. “Gratitude” is probably an entire article in itself. So for now, let’s just accept gratitude at face value.

The best way to get through life, with the most enjoyment and the least amount of stress, is to live in the moment. In order to effectively live in the moment you must believe in your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you. You must have confidence in yourself, the confidence that you will do the right thing. Knowing that you can effectively deal with any situation that comes your way will better enable you to live in the moment.

As a species, we have an innate ability to over complicate things. Unfortunately, this also applies to the simplicity of choice; now that’s not to say that choice is simple. We all have those inner voices that keep trying to drag us down, to influence us to make the wrong choices. To be able to quiet those destructive inner voices and replace them with constructive, nurturing and positive attitudes, again, is an entire book, which I am posting on my site.

Also, there are those instances where the individual does not have the choice; in the cases of clinical depression and chemical imbalance. These situations are unique and cannot be included in this article. I am not qualified to speak to these clear exceptions.

In order for me to best understand what my real choices are, my constant companion is Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Pledge: “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” If we can apply this in everything we do, the ability to be grateful and to live in the moment becomes easier; thus enabling us to choose happiness.

In addition, I also believe that happiness is a moral obligation. With few exceptions, happy people make this world a better place and unhappy people make it worse. Let me ask you; how do you feel when you are around a happy person? How do you feel when you are around an unhappy person? See what happens around you if you choose to be happy. Even if you fake it, it becomes contagious and before you know it, you are actually feeling happy. Why are you feeling happy? You are happy because you have made the choice to both live in the moment and be grateful.

Let’s see if I can tie all of this together into a clear bullet-point summary/conclusion.

• Happiness and Human Nature are on different paths.
• Happiness should never be connected to a result or a condition.
• Human nature is what drives us; happiness is what sustains us.
• Happiness is as simple as a choice however, a choice is never simple.
• The choice of Happiness comes easier when:
• It is based in “gratitude.”
• You have the confidence to live in the moment.
• Happiness is a moral obligation;
• The more happy people there are in the world, the better the world will be.

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

Technorati tags:
happiness Human Nature confidence gratitude,

The Secret to Real Confidence

Confidence is a critical part of a positive mental attitude. Therefor, I am including another article on this subject. This one looks at confidence as a function of self acceptance.

The Secret to Real Confidence
By: Jon Mercer

Sometimes the best secrets are hidden in plain sight. When it comes to developing confidence, there is one "secret shortcut" that took me years to understand, but it's so painfully obvious that I want to kick myself sometimes for not being aware of it all along. The "secret" I want to tell to you about is acceptance.

Understanding the importance of acceptance requires a little creative thinking. It is important to remember that confidence is never an "all or nothing" situation. We all have confidence to some degree, but it is a fact that some people have much more that than others. It is also a fact, that no matter how low your self-esteem may be right now, you do have some confidence. So it's a sliding scale, and just for the sake of argument, let's say that the confidence scale goes from one to ten, with one being least confident and ten being supremely confident.

To further make this point, let's say that right now your confidence level is a three on this scale, and your friend's confidence is a six on the same scale. Now, it's obvious that your friend is twice as confident as you, but at the same time his confidence level is still only a six out of ten, so it certainly could be a lot higher and your friend is very aware of this.

Now here is where the power of acceptance comes into the picture. Imagine that your friend, whose confidence level is a six, feels very bad about himself because his confidence isn't higher. But let's say that, unlike your friend, you understand that your confidence level is low, but you feel OK about that, and you're not judging yourself because of it. In effect, you are saying "my confidence level "is what it is" and I feel perfectly comfortable with that."

Now, who is going to be perceived as being more confident, you or your friend? YOU ARE! Every single time. Because if you accept your confidence level (no matter what it is) and are perfectly comfortable with it, you are going to come across as much more confident than your friend who does not accept his confidence level. You see how this works?

Another way of saying this would be, no matter what your confidence level is, accepting it and being comfortable with it will instantly make you more confident! Are you having an "aha" moment yet? I know I did when i first began to really "get" this idea. And the irony is, this is such a simple idea. Nevertheless, I overlooked this critical point for many years. Maybe you have too...

But once you understand the importance of acceptance, you can use this knowledge to immediately boost your confidence. All you need to do is begin where you are right now and make it a point to accept your current situation and your current level of confidence. Do NOT feel frustrated with yourself or your situation. Begin with a good feeling about where you are right now at this very minute. After a day or two of thinking this way, you will definitely notice a difference. When you begin any confidence building program from the point of view of acceptance, you are certain to see greater results in less time.

But be warned, if you begin trying to make changes in your life from a position of frustration, or self disapproval, you will find it much more difficult to create the results you want. Find a way to make peace with yourself and your situation where you are right now. Remember, the key to the whole thing is to start by accepting yourself just as you are right now. You absolutely can do this, and it WILL make a difference. Every single time.


secret confidence acceptance argument

How to Have Confidence and Enjoy Every Moment of It

There are instances when we need to just know how to act. As we attain the right internal attitude it will become apparent in the way that we portray ourselves, however, there is nothing wrong with knowing the right way to act and working on both the interior and the exterior at the same time. The following is a good article for the outside of ourselves.

How to Have Confidence and Enjoy Every Moment of It

By: Peter Murphy

Confidence is not only a skill it is a choice. How to have confidence? It is a choice to walk, talk and act with confidence despite how you feel or what others say. To have confidence is to be at ease in any situation. To be prepared and capable to take all the hits as they come and still smile while doing it.

The beauty of confidence is that if you don't have to possess it to walk with it. All you need is the know how and a bit of perseverance to make sure that in all instances you can appear to be cool calm collected and confident. This will show that you can cope under pressure and attract responsibility and promotion. When you act in confidence it is attracted to you.

As shallow as it sounds presentation and looking after you are important factors to having confidence. If you know that you are eating right, exercising regularly and treating your body and mind with respect and dignity. When you do have a bad day it is easier to overcome.

Ensuring that your immediate needs of shelter, warmth, hygiene and even what you wear can effect how you feel and therefore affect the was you eventually act. If you are dressed well and feel like you are well presented you are less likely to suffer from a lack of confidence. This will not always help but the foundation needs to be strong for a building to stand so look after yourself and you will find the benefits surprising.

Once you have your exterior covered well your body language is the next thing to be addressed. Are there certain people who you naturally want to hide around or those who you feel intimidated by therefore close your body language up? Your body language will always tell the story of how you feel even if your words don't so make sure that you have open body language to show optimum confidence. Shoulders straight, eyes looking forward or directed towards who you are speaking to, do not fold arms across your chest and try not o shuffle your feet, keep hand movement directed towards what you are doing and resist the temptation to fidget or fiddle while talking or listening.

One of the simplest ways to show that you have confidence is to show interest. There is of course no point in being interested if you cannot be genuine and sincere so be sure that your body language and eyes are actively listening, ask questions and try to interact within the situation. This can help relieve pressure as you will be occupied and active.

By showing interest you are showing that you have the ability to concentrate on a project that may not be your own. Again by acting in a certain way you are creating positive behaviors within yourself, further gaining skills as well as having confidence.

By having a can do attitude both with yourself and with others, you will become a more social and interesting person. If you believe that you can do anything that you have the skills to achieve and you have goals in place to do so then you have no reason to walk in shame. To walk in confidence to hold your head and know that you can tackle anything that comes to you because you area good person and because you deserve good things will make the difference between having confidence or not.

If you don't believe you are confident you won't be, so change the way you think and your actions will have no choice but to change in time you will realize that you had confidence all along, you just didn't know it yet.

confidence perseverence interest

Being Positive

By Jacqueline Pigdon

Studies show that positive people are winners in good times and survivors in hard times. People who begin to consciously modify their inner conversations and attitudes report an almost immediate improvement in their performance. Their energy increases and things seem to just go better. How would you like things to be better for you? A simple choice you can make every morning is either a positive one such as ‘I am going to have a fantastic day today and be the best possible person that I can be in all aspects of my life’ and choose to be in this state or ‘allow negativity to set in and be doom and gloom’. It’s your choice.However easier said than done? Yes it is. So where does this positive attitude come from?It comes from your inner belief and knowing based on realistic and achievable goals. Your belief and knowing comes from planning and planning comes from your vision and goal setting. Having realistic, achievable and measurable goals teamed with an inner belief that you ‘know’ you can achieve it - a positive attitude just comes and – you can do anything.

So how do you get this attitude?

• Listen to your self-talk and choose your attitude
• Work out what your realistic and achievable goals are and make plan
• Believe in yourself and your abilities
• Act with confidence!
• Contain your reactions
• Appreciate what you have, if you’re not happy with what you see, do something about it, change and take action!
• Surround yourself with positive people!

If you do this after a while you will start to gain much more value in your life by being positive that you won’t want to have anything to do with negativity again!

achievable attitude confidence doom+and+gloom positive realistic studies survivors winners