Are you Martha or Maxine?

*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

*Maxine's Way*
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake!
You are probably lying on the couch with your fee t up eating it, anyway!


*Martha's Way*
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

*Maxine's Way*
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.


*Martha's Way*
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

*Maxine's Way*
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.


*Martha's Way*
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

*Maxine's Way*
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"


*Martha's Way*
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

*Maxine's Way*
Celery? Never heard of it!


*Martha's Way*
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

*Maxine's Way*
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.


*Martha's Way*
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

*Maxine's Way*
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!


*Martha's Way*
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves.
They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

*Maxine's Way*
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.


*Martha's Way*
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

*Maxine's Way*
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!


Martha Maxine

Why Women Don't Like To Take Men On Vacation

Ladies...........This is for you!

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

Amen!

Gentlemen, let's accept our all too frequent childish behavior and try not to piss off the ladies in our lives too much!

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Are You Prepared For Success? (Section II - Installment #28 "Crossroads” – Male & Female versions)

(If this is your first time on this site, you may want to begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

Crossroads

Two crossroads lay ahead and you must choose
Which one of these roads to take.
These roads, they weave and turn and whose
To say which one is best, for they bare few clues;
As you hope upon hope not to make a mistake.

You can only imagine where these roads lead;
As they both end far beyond your view.
Each road would fulfill a different need:
Of comfort and risk; both opposites, indeed.
The comfortable one seems old and the riskier one seems new.

Each road beckons you differently, it seems.
The comfortable one is closer with a familiar view;
The riskier, more distant, like the road in your dreams;
The road of passions and hopes and schemes.
The closer one looks traveled by many, the more distant by few.

Down the familiar you would follow, down the other you would lead.
With you're confidence high, you're prepared to win,
And believing that you will always succeed,
And trusting yourself, are all that you need.
So, you choose the road where few have been.

You shall gladly tell generations, of a future day,
With a grateful sigh and a knowing nod, this story;
Of when two roads beckoned you in a different way,
And you took the one of dreams and schemes, only to say
That you soared and swooped and found your glory.

(An Original Poem by Mel Kaye)

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem.

• What are your crossroads (be specific)?
• Which road would you like to travel, and why?

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

Male Reader - Please go to #29m
Female Reader - Please go to #29f

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Now, That's a Roller Coaster

New Ohio Roller Coaster At Cedar Point!!

Last picture says it all...

Yep, enough said!

I wonder what the back looks like????

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Living In The Moment

The best way to get through life, with the most enjoyment and the least amount of stress, is to live in the moment. In order to effectively live in the moment you must believe in your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you. You must have confidence in yourself, the confidence that you will do the right thing. Knowing that you can effectively deal with any situation that comes your way will better enable you to live in the moment.

Remember that life is only 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react. By living in the moment you have a far greater ability to be happy. If you are living in the past or worrying about the future you are probably filled with negativity. You are most likely listening to a destructive inner voice that is robbing you of the “moment." It’s critical that you learn to turn the negative self talk into positive self talk. Only by being positive can you truly live in the moment.

Another destructive behavior that postpones the “moment” is to live for “more.” Always wanting “more” and focusing on “more” is contradictory to living in the moment. Postponing happiness until you have “more” pretty much insures an unhappy life. The “more” focuses all of your energy on the future making it virtually impossible to live in the moment.

Living in the moment allows you to focus on the people and things that are important to you right now. This also enables you to feel and show gratitude, which is an absolute prerequisite for happiness. Believe it or not gratitude is a key to abundance.

Happiness really is simple and what’s more it is a choice. It all circles back to having the right attitude. With the right attitude, a positive attitude, you are better able to live in the moment and better able to experience happiness.

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Signs of the Times

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Are You Prepared For Success? (Section II - Installment #27f "The Touch of the Master’s Hand” – Female version)

(If this is your first time on this site, I recommend that you begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

If you are a male reader please go to #27m

The Touch of the Master's Hand

"Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth her while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But held it up with a smile.
"What am I bidden, good folks," she cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar," then, two! Only two?
"Two dollars, and who'll make it three?
"Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three. . ." But no,
From the room, far back, a gray haired woman
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loose strings,
She played a melody pure and sweet
As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And she held it up with the bow.
"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?
Two thousand! And who'll make it three?
Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice;
And going and gone," said she.
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand
What changed its worth?" Swift came the reply:
"The touch of a master's hand."

And many a woman with life out of tune,
And battered and scared with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin.
A "mess of pottage," a flask of wine;
A game -- and she travels on.
She's "going" once, and "going" twice,
She's "going" and almost "gone."
But the master comes and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the changes that's wrought
By the touch of the master's hand.

(Based on a poem by Myra B. Welch)

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem.

• Who do you know that could greatly benefit from the "the touch of a master's hand," and why? (Could it be you, or could you be the master?)

Go to Section II (Installment #28)

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Are You Prepared For Success? (Section II - Installment #27m "The Touch of the Master’s Hand” – Male version)

(If this is your first time on this site, I recommend that you begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

If you are a female reader please go to #27f

The Touch of the Master's Hand

"Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But held it up with a smile.
"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar," then, two! Only two?
"Two dollars, and who'll make it three?
"Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three. . ." But no,
From the room, far back, a gray haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loose strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet
As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.
"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?
Two thousand! And who'll make it three?
Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice;
And going and gone," said he.
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand
What changed its worth?" Swift came the reply:
"The touch of a master's hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scared with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin.
A "mess of pottage," a flask of wine;
A game -- and he travels on.
He's "going" once, and "going" twice,
He's "going" and almost "gone."
But the master comes and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the changes that's wrought
By the touch of the master's hand.

Myra B. Welch

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem.

• Who do you know that could greatly benefit from the "the touch of a master's hand," and why? (Could it be you, or could you be the master?)

Go to Section II (Installment #28)

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Living Will

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." .....

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch.




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FINALLY, ERROR MESSAGES WE CAN ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND

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Help Jackie find her sister

I found this post at Revellian and because I know and respect Jackie I am also posting it.

My friends at NAFASG have asked me to help out in a very noble cause. I am more than happy to help them help Jackie in finding her long lost sister!

Please spare some time to read this post that we have written on behalf of a good friend of ours in the blogosphere. By reading this post and spreading the word to the others around you, you could reunite two people who shared an extraordinary relationship. You could be the one to reunite two sisters.

Her name is Jackie Hooper, also known as Shinade. Her biological mother was Maxine Soape, but a couple had adopted her. According to her, besides her mother, she also had a younger sister as a family member. Just like her, her sister, who was born in 1959 or 1960 and is three years younger than her, had also been adopted out to another couple, by her own paternal uncle.

Both were born in the same hometown of East Texas, but are now being adopted by two different couples and have been separated since then. The sister is currently staying with her adopted parents in Pueblo, Colorado.

Jackie has never stood a chance to watch her younger sister grow, and has never even known what her sister’s name is.

As painful as it is to be worlds apart from your friends, it is even more painful to be worlds apart from your own flesh and blood. So readers, we hope that you can show some sense of empathy towards Jackie ‘Shinade’ Hooper who longs to rebuild her life with her younger sister whom she holds very dear in her heart throughout the years.

This is your chance to do something good for someone in our global society who is in need of our helping hands.

If you can provide any information about Jackie’s sister that would be able to assist Jackie in her search, we urge you to keep us in the loop or directly inform Jackie at her blog. Your liberality towards helping out in this search would be greatly appreciated by all of us here, but the one who would be most thankful to you is Jackie herself.

A little kindness goes a long way. Readers, please show your compassion towards someone who wants nothing else but to reunite with her beloved younger sister once again. They share a strong kinship, and they deserve to be together till the end of time.

Please read this special message from our friend, Jackie, and start doing your part in finding her long lost sister.

“My only message would be that I would so like to have the opportunity to get to know her and her family. I know she has children also. And, that I love her even though I don’t know who she is or where she is.” – Jackie ‘Shinade’ Hooper

Are You Feeling Old Yet?

If you remember 1967............
1967: Long hair
2007: Longing for hair

1967: KEG
2007: EKG

1967: Acid rock
2007: Acid reflux

1967: Moving to California because it's cool
2007: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1967: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1967: Seeds and stems
2007: Roughage

1967: Hoping for a BMW
2007: Hoping for a BM

1967: Going to a new, hip joint
2007: Receiving a new hip joint

1967: Rolling Stones
2007: Kidney Stones

1967: Being called into the principal's office
2007: Calling the principal's office

1967: Disco
2007: Costco

1967: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1967: Passing the drivers' test
2007: Passing the vision test

1967: Whatever
2007: Depends

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things....

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born
in 1987.

They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up on liftoff.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?"

"I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "de plane, Boss, de plane"

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet?

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The Little Things

The ' L I T T L E ' Things. As you might know, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten. Another fellow was alive because it was His turn to bring donuts. One woman was late because her Alarm clock didn't go off in time. One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike Because of an auto accident. One of them Missed his bus. One spilled food on her clothes and had to take Time to change. One's Car wouldn't start. One went back to Answer the telephone . One had a Child that dawdled And didn't get ready as soon as he should have. One couldn't Get a taxi. The one that struck me was the man Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, Took the various means to get to work But before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today. Now when I am Stuck in traffic, Miss an elevator, Turn back to answer a ringing telephone All the little things that annoy me. I think to myself, This is exactly where God wants me to be At this very moment.. Next time your morning seems to be Going wrong , The children are slow getting dressed, You can't seem to find the car keys, You hit every traffic light, Don't get mad or frustrated; It May be just that God is at work watching over you. May God continue to bless you With all those annoying little things And may you remember their possible purpose. A ME N

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Why Dogs Bite!

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