I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
Eleanor Roosevelt
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.
George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Mark Twain
By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men, to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
George Burns
I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope
A woman drove me to drink - and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
W.C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. Fields
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
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This Site is dedicated to the development of your ATTITUDE, which is your ULTIMATE POWER. The content includes: Essays, Articles, Poems, Links, Inspirational stories, Quotes, Research, Music, an original series called the "Process" and Laughter....all focused on the Pursuit, Capture, Care and Feeding of a Positive Mental Attitude.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Quotes of the Funny Variety
Posted by DubLiMan at 1:47 PM
Labels: Alex Levine, Bob Hope, Charlotte Whitton, Eleanor Roosevelt, George Burns, Groucho Marx, Jimmy Durante, Mark Twain, Victor Borge, W. C. Fields
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5 comments:
thanks for helping me help myself. your comment was about 55% useful.
Hi Mel,
I love your blog and added you to my list of sites on the left hand side of my blog like you asked. Thanks for coming by ... we share the same mindset.
Catherine, the redhead
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com
I always liked:
The coldest winter I ever spent was a Summer in San Francisco.
-Mark Twain
Those were all good for an early morning chuckle.
74wixygrad,
The older humor does have a sense of timelessness and philosophic feel to it.
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