30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......
Technorati Tag: women's+ass
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE
OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."
Technorati Tag: Pregnant+lady
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
'What's the matter?' he asks.
'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.
'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'
'I can't see my ass coming into work today.
anal anal+glaucoma glaucoma
Please go HERE for the "Big Bang" Master list.
This week I have surpassed a couple of statistical milestones. First, my "Blog Reactions" have soared past the 2,000 number.
And, I have entered the hallowed ground of Technorati's top 5,000.
Now, I am well aware that this stat (Technorati Authority) is based on a 180 day concept and that links fall off and this could change; however, if I want to continue playing this game, and as long as it remains fun and I do not take it too seriously, I just have to stay ahead of the curve.
Now that I have patted myself on the back and done the "Gratitude Dance", I must get back to the semi-serious job of blogging, seriously.....well sort of.
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Technorati Tag: Ever+Wonder?
Let’s face it; one of the main goals of joining a meme is to increase links. So, let’s call a spade a spade and see how “Big” of a “Bang” we can get. The goal is to exceed 1,000 sites. Can it be done? With your help we will leave all the other memes in our dust! Just follow the instructions. No thought necessary.
My Tags for this meme:
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers,large
fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America .....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America .....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America .. ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Technorati Tag: Only+in+America
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, Did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember where you saw this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
(If this is your first time on this site, you may want to begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])
If you are a regular reader of my Empowerment Process please read the Section II version of this poem first; then read this version.
I found this over at Mimi Writes...... and decided to also publish it. If you want to copy/paste this on your site the scroll box should come along with it. I can't wait to visit all these site and see how their albums came out.
I was tagged by many for this meme, but the final tag by Mimi of MIMI WRITES......... convinced me to play along. Let's face it, I do not want to end up in her dungeon, however, that could be fun, but I digress.