Awards, Awards, and More Awards ...... THANK YOU!!!

Generously awarded to me by Marzie, are the following awards

Given to me by my dear friend Ann at A Nice Place in the Sun

Madamoiselle has bestowed upon me this gernerous award

Given back to me by Living Well

Kim of Laketrees has generously bestowed up on me this beautiful award

Rhonda (Chuck) of foster me up gave me the following really cool awards

Madamoiselle has presented this beautiful award

Kim of catnip corner has given me the following award

My dear friend MAX has honored me with some really cool awards.

FREE TO GOOD HOME

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Redneck Mansion

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YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?

A little long but worth the read


Can you read these right the first time?

01) The bandage was wound around the wound.
02) The farm was used to produce produce.
03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
04) We must polish the Polish furniture.
05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
07) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
08) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this:

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is UP. It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or toward the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. We use something to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP We could go on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so: Time to shut UP!

Oh... one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? U-P



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Cats, Part 3

This is part three of a three part post.






Click here if you would like to see Part one.
Click here if you would like to see Part two.



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Cats, Part 2

This is part two of a three part post.





Click here if you would like to see Part one.

Stay tuned for Part three.



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Cats, part 1

This is part one of a three part post.










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Mental Hospital Phone Menu......

Hello! Thank you for calling "The State Mental Hospital". Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up... our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.


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Turbo Tagger

New Edition of Redneck Jokes

FINALLY! OVERALLS THAT FIT!
Just ask for the " ARKANSAS CUT "

Yes, the new one is out!
Brand new edition of...
"You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Quick Announcement

I will be out of town on business travel for a couple of days so I may not be posting again until Wednesday, 2/27/08.

All new Big Bang participants, I will add your sites on Wednesday.

Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Mel

Office Bulletins

Knowing Me, Knowing You

I was tagged to do this meme by Sindi of Life is a Roller Coaster


KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU


Copy this entire list of questions and change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then tag and pass it along to other blogging friends. Let’s see how well we can get to know one another!


1. What is your occupation?
I am a Vice President of National Accounts for a major Real Estate Services company

2. What color are your socks right now?
White

3. What are you listening to right now?
Three barking of my dogs

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Home made apple crisp

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Blue

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
A client

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Of course

9. Favorite drink?
Cappuccino

10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Basketball

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes, when I had hair

12. Pets?
Three Dachshunds, Dexter, Oliver and Lucy

13. Favorite food?
Lobster Thermadore

14. Last movie you watched?
Bourne Ultimatum

15. Favorite Day of the year?
Every day

16. What do you do to vent anger?
Simmer

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Microscope and Chemistry set.

18. What is your favorite, fall or spring?
Spring, because everything is starting to bloom.

19. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

20. What kind of pie?
French Apple

21. Do you want your friends to email you back?
Yes

22. Who is most likely to respond?
All of them

23. Who is least likely to respond?
I wouldn't email anyone who I know would not respond.

24. Living arrangements?
Me, my wife and three dogs in a house that is mortgaged to the hilt.

25. When was the last time you cried?
I honestly do not remember

26. What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
I am not sending this to anyone. I will let anyone who wants to participate, participate.

28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to?
See # 27

29. Favorite smell?
Fresh bread

30. What inspires you?
I inspire me.

31. What are you afraid of?
Nothing in this world

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
spicy hamburgers

33. Favorite car?
Porshe carrera

34. Favorite cat breed?
Siamese

35. Number of keys on your key ring?
10

36. How many years at your current job?
5

37. Favorite day of the week?
Monday (for obvious reasons)

38. How many cities have you lived in?
About 8

39. How many countries have you been to?
About 25.


Tags - Anyone who wants to take this on.

When It's Okay to say F%#K

I got these great shots from my friend Michelle at Rusin Roundup

World Clock

This is a must. World Clock - have fun.......

According to their life expectancy calculator, the following holds true for me:
Biological Age - 59
Virtual Age - 47.3
Average Life Expectancy - 78
My Life Expectancy - 89.7

Please share yours.....