Cats, Part 2

This is part two of a three part post.





Click here if you would like to see Part one.

Stay tuned for Part three.



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Cats, part 1

This is part one of a three part post.










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Mental Hospital Phone Menu......

Hello! Thank you for calling "The State Mental Hospital". Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up... our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.


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New Edition of Redneck Jokes

FINALLY! OVERALLS THAT FIT!
Just ask for the " ARKANSAS CUT "

Yes, the new one is out!
Brand new edition of...
"You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Quick Announcement

I will be out of town on business travel for a couple of days so I may not be posting again until Wednesday, 2/27/08.

All new Big Bang participants, I will add your sites on Wednesday.

Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Mel

Office Bulletins

Knowing Me, Knowing You

I was tagged to do this meme by Sindi of Life is a Roller Coaster


KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU


Copy this entire list of questions and change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then tag and pass it along to other blogging friends. Let’s see how well we can get to know one another!


1. What is your occupation?
I am a Vice President of National Accounts for a major Real Estate Services company

2. What color are your socks right now?
White

3. What are you listening to right now?
Three barking of my dogs

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Home made apple crisp

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Blue

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
A client

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Of course

9. Favorite drink?
Cappuccino

10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Basketball

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes, when I had hair

12. Pets?
Three Dachshunds, Dexter, Oliver and Lucy

13. Favorite food?
Lobster Thermadore

14. Last movie you watched?
Bourne Ultimatum

15. Favorite Day of the year?
Every day

16. What do you do to vent anger?
Simmer

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Microscope and Chemistry set.

18. What is your favorite, fall or spring?
Spring, because everything is starting to bloom.

19. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

20. What kind of pie?
French Apple

21. Do you want your friends to email you back?
Yes

22. Who is most likely to respond?
All of them

23. Who is least likely to respond?
I wouldn't email anyone who I know would not respond.

24. Living arrangements?
Me, my wife and three dogs in a house that is mortgaged to the hilt.

25. When was the last time you cried?
I honestly do not remember

26. What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
I am not sending this to anyone. I will let anyone who wants to participate, participate.

28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to?
See # 27

29. Favorite smell?
Fresh bread

30. What inspires you?
I inspire me.

31. What are you afraid of?
Nothing in this world

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
spicy hamburgers

33. Favorite car?
Porshe carrera

34. Favorite cat breed?
Siamese

35. Number of keys on your key ring?
10

36. How many years at your current job?
5

37. Favorite day of the week?
Monday (for obvious reasons)

38. How many cities have you lived in?
About 8

39. How many countries have you been to?
About 25.


Tags - Anyone who wants to take this on.

When It's Okay to say F%#K

I got these great shots from my friend Michelle at Rusin Roundup

World Clock

This is a must. World Clock - have fun.......

According to their life expectancy calculator, the following holds true for me:
Biological Age - 59
Virtual Age - 47.3
Average Life Expectancy - 78
My Life Expectancy - 89.7

Please share yours.....

Are You Prepared For Success? (Section III - Installment #8 "It’s Never Too Late” – Male & Female versions)

(If this is your first time on this site, you may want to begin with "Are You Prepared For Success?" [Introduction])

If you are a regular reader of my Empowerment Process please read the Section II version of this poem first; then read this version.

It's Never Too Late!

I'm no longer young, but not past my prime.
The realization sets in. I won't run out of time.
I know what's needed, the changes I must make,
The direction I must go, there's so much at stake.

I'm no longer comfortable, nor content with me.
My "failings" are not friends, they're the enemy.
I know it's not easy; there's some effort required,
To make the needed changes no matter if I'm tired.

I will try, I will do, try and I will not fail.
Over and over it’s not the same old tale.
I've found the reason to make the change,
A life altering reason, for my world to rearrange.

I'll no longer rationalize my fears. I will make the move.
I won't stay where I am, in this same old groove.
I will dare to take a chance on what might be.
I have what it takes to really be free.

My life will be different, no longer the same.
I'll look ahead with hope, not back in shame.
My past wasn't a failure, a sham or a fake,
I won't look at my life as one big mistake.

My past has a purpose, a reason for being.
It's what has prepared me for this time of seeing.
My past was the groundwork for this step to take.
My future is waiting. It's my decision to make.

There's was no magic answer for me to discover,
No hidden secrets for me to uncover.
I won't look for guidance, for the answer's in me.
I know what to do for I am the key.

(An Original Poem by Mel Kaye)

I strongly suggest that you write down your immediate reaction, after passionately reading this poem.

• List the changes you will make so that you move towards the future you most desire.
• How will these changes affect your future?

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

Go to Section #III, Installment #9

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More Reasons to Smile

Many smiles begin because of another smile....

Always have good self esteem....

Take care of your friends, especially those dearest to you...

Take care of your body...

But most of all, find time to relax...

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Menopause Jewelry

I think that you ladies will like this..........

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green and when I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond... Dumb ass!

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Happiness Refined

I believe that this post is one of the most important that I have ever written, so therefore I have brought it up to my front page again. This was done because of a challenge that was put out by Alex Shalman.com called the happiness Project. He asks five questions:

1. How do you define happiness?
2. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?
3. What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness? (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)
4. What things take away from your happiness? What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?
5. What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?

My answers are:

1. A feeling of well-being and joy.
2. Now - 9 Child - 3
3. See below
4. See below
5. See below
   

For those of you have previously read my blog “Attitude, the Ultimate Power,’ aka “Monday Morning Power,” know that I have spent a lot of time discussing happiness and I have some very definite opinions on the subject. I am continuously trying to refine my thoughts and this is my latest attempt. I assure you, it won't be my last.

When discussing “happiness” most people speak of it in the following terms: “Striving to be Happy,” “Searching for Happiness,” I’ll be Happy when…,” and so on. To me, these statements conjure up a journey (a quest) with happiness as the reward for a successful journey’s end; in other words a successful result to the quest. If happiness is one of the rewards for successfully completing the journey then that journey, will more times than not, end in disaster. After all, not every quest is successful; with success being measured by achieving the goals that were set. The journey, or the “striving for,” is far closer related to one of the basic tenant of human nature, which is “not being satisfied,” than it is to “happiness.”

The basic fuel of Human Nature is "not to be satisfied." Human nature is to seek pleasure, to fulfill desires, to accomplish, to better our world, to never quit, to persevere, to constantly strive for "more." whatever the aspects of human nature that we strive for, we will never be satisfied. Insatiability and the resulting drive to be satisfied are at the heart of human nature. You can never have enough intimacy, food, love, accomplishment, money, success, etc. The problem that we run into is that many of us tie happiness to Human Nature”; feeling that we would be happy "if." For such a small word, so much can hang on it. "If" is considered a condition. As an example; polls show that people in general state that they would be happy "if" they had 50% more salary. Then, after that goal was reached and they were polled again, they would be happy with 50% more again. No matter how much we have, we want "more."

On the surface, not being satisfied seems to be selfish; a negative connotation. However, not being satisfied, which fuels the “striving” in human nature is actually a good thing, a very good thing. If it wasn’t for our basic dissatisfaction with what we have, the constant desire to have “more”, where would we be today? Without the desire for “more” there would never have been any inventions, discoveries, cures, art, etc. Again, where we usually go wrong is when we tie this concept of “more” to happiness.

Happiness must never be tied to human nature or else we are destined to be unhappy. We must learn to never qualify happiness. I am an absolute firm believer that happiness is a decision and that we can choose to be happy. I absolutely believe that anyone, anywhere, in any economic condition, in any health condition, with few exceptions, can choose to be happy. Why should the billionaire be any happier than the pauper? In fact, I bet there are, in relative terms, more happy paupers than happy billionaires. Sometimes it just gets down to “I’m happy to be alive.”

Now, to get back to the differences and ties between “happiness” and “human nature;” I have tried to sum this up in an original quote, “Human nature is what drives us; happiness is what sustains us.” Think of two perpendicular lines, one vertical (pointing up) and the other horizontal (pointing sideways.) The one pointing up represents human nature, a constant up-hill battle to achieve. The one pointing sideways represents happiness. We have the ability to maximize happiness no matter where we are on the vertical line, by the simple process of choice. What makes choosing happiness simple are two important concepts; “Gratitude,” and “Living in the Moment.”

By simply being grateful for what we have, no matter how much or how little, the choice to be happy comes so much easier. “Gratitude” is probably an entire article in itself. So for now, let’s just accept gratitude at face value.

The best way to get through life, with the most enjoyment and the least amount of stress, is to live in the moment. In order to effectively live in the moment you must believe in your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you. You must have confidence in yourself, the confidence that you will do the right thing. Knowing that you can effectively deal with any situation that comes your way will better enable you to live in the moment.

As a species, we have an innate ability to over complicate things. Unfortunately, this also applies to the simplicity of choice; now that’s not to say that choice is simple. We all have those inner voices that keep trying to drag us down, to influence us to make the wrong choices. To be able to quiet those destructive inner voices and replace them with constructive, nurturing and positive attitudes, again, is an entire book, which I am posting on my site.

Also, there are those instances where the individual does not have the choice; in the cases of clinical depression and chemical imbalance. These situations are unique and cannot be included in this article. I am not qualified to speak to these clear exceptions.

In order for me to best understand what my real choices are, my constant companion is Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Pledge: “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.” If we can apply this in everything we do, the ability to be grateful and to live in the moment becomes easier; thus enabling us to choose happiness.

In addition, I also believe that happiness is a moral obligation. With few exceptions, happy people make this world a better place and unhappy people make it worse. Let me ask you; how do you feel when you are around a happy person? How do you feel when you are around an unhappy person? See what happens around you if you choose to be happy. Even if you fake it, it becomes contagious and before you know it, you are actually feeling happy. Why are you feeling happy? You are happy because you have made the choice to both live in the moment and be grateful.

Let’s see if I can tie all of this together into a clear bullet-point summary/conclusion.

• Happiness and Human Nature are on different paths.
• Happiness should never be connected to a result or a condition.
• Human nature is what drives us; happiness is what sustains us.
• Happiness is as simple as a choice however, a choice is never simple.
• The choice of Happiness comes easier when:
• It is based in “gratitude.”
• You have the confidence to live in the moment.
• Happiness is a moral obligation;
• The more happy people there are in the world, the better the world will be.

Copyright © MondayMorningPower, All rights Reserved

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SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE:

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

* If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country.".

Apparently, this was never actually instituted. The threat of lawsuits and parent complaints stopped it's inception. But, I do love the idea.

IT Support

I don't know about you, but there are many times that I need expert IT support. I don't know how many hours I have wasted trying to figure out what went wrong with my PC. I usually bug my friends or just muddle on through. Thankfully I have never had to call one of the traveling computer repair services.

Well, I have been asked to write an opinion on a site called "BT Home IT Support." For a very nominal monthly fee they can be available to help repair your computer or peripherals, including digital cameras. Some of their more common problems they solve are those of wireless connection issues, pop-ups, slow computers, data transfers and even questions concerning blogs and pod casts. Their service can be provided via phone, or direct connect. The site itself is really easy to use.

In addition, they provide home visits if it can't be fixed remotely. I was very impressed with this site and the need that it fills.

My only issue is that it is UK based. We need something like this in the US.

Letter From Loving Wife

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately, not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway, I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.


Your loving wife.
XXX

BE SURE AND SCROLL PAST THE PICTURE

P.S. Your girlfriend called.
=
Maggie

Self CPR

What are you to do if you have a heart attack while you are alone? (This is not a joke. This is DEADLY serious.....it could save your life.)

The Johnson City Medical Center staff actually discovered this and did an in-depth study on it in their ICU. The two individuals that discovered this then wrote an article on it, and had it published and have even had it incorporated into ACLS and CPR classes.

It is very true and has and does work. It is called cough CPR. A cardiologist says it's the truth

Read this...It could save your life!

Let's say it's 6:15 p.m. and you're driving home (alone of course), after an usually hard day on the job You're really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far.

What can you do? You've been trained in CPR but the guy that taught the course, didn't tell you what to do if it happened to you.

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, this article seemed to be in order. Without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feels faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart
attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many other people as possible about this, it could save their lives!

From Health Cares, Rochester General Hospital via Chapter 240s newsletter



'AND THE BEAT GOES ON '












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